I have a 6yr old son that doesnt learn from his behavior. We have tried everything and out of options. I dont know what to do. We have taken everything and I mean everything out of his room - only thing left is a mattress on the floor (sheeted,bedded) and his dresser, 2 books and his clothes. He runs from school, lies, refuses to do his homework or schoolwork, whines all the time, doesnt listen in general.

we have tried taking everything away, no tv, no videgames, grounding him, giving him only soup for dinner. We even spanked. He doesnt care. He is adhd and is on concerta in the morning. Nothing gets through to this kid.

Any suggestions, we are at the end of our rope. Its beyond stressing everyone out.

I also have a 10 year that lies about his homework and aggitates the younger and lie and say he does no wrong. He tries to come off as a perfect angel. We have taken the same measures with him - but he doesnt care. He is in therapy, but that doesnt seem to help. The older is ODD and ADHD and he is on concerta in the morning, ritalin at lunch-time.

Thanks

My son is only 3 but I have a terrible fear I am going to end up in your situation.  The problem is, he only acts out with me.  I think my parents thought I was crazy when I explained his behavior to them because they never saw the insanity.  It scares me because I already feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do.  If you get any suggestions from this post, please let me know.  I have started a chore chart (since he's so young, there are only a few things on it) and a more structured schedule for the day but I don't see this working any better.

I think my 6 year has micmicked the 10yr old. However, we have decided to try something new. Maybe this will work for you.

Find something that your 3yr old really wants, maybe for Christmas or an upcoming birthday. I downloaded a photo of that item (mine wants Spike the Interactive Dinosaur) and make a calandar in Microsoft Word or any other program you have that you can make a calandar with. Insert the photo at the top and the calandar below. Mark a deadline on the calandar and highlight the box in a certain color to stand out. Mark any other special days, like Halloween, birthdays, etc... Then we instructed my 6 yr old that he has to be good at home and at school (given little exceptions here and there b/c they are kids) and when we get a good report home from his teacher, he can mark the calander with a good day. If he get an "X" amount of good days before his deadline, Santa will get him his gift/prize/goal. If not, than I am emailing Santa and telling him he was a bad boy and he will not get Spike.

He is pyched about this - today is test day 1. We shall see, how it goes. Since he is 6, his deadline is Dec 20th. However, we are trying weekly goals that a small - bo good all week and you can play the Xbox or we go to dinner on Friday where you want, ect.

Another, small goal we are working on - short-term is we always do the Halloween event at Disney, but we live in Florida - no travel needed, try somewhere local, where you are. We told the boys if they are not good, we will not go to Disney this year. We usually go around mid-Oct. They keep looking at goal pictures of that too as a reminder.

Maybe something like this will help, spark good behavior. At 3, you are experiencing terrible 2's per'se. Mine did not have them in the 2's but in the 3's. So, keep a clear head as much as you can and remember they are a sponge and pick up everything!

Best of luck -

Hello,

I have a 6 year old in first grade and he is the oldest.  He was extremely difficult to deal with for at least the first 4 or 5 years.  Making sure he goes to the park to play gets his energy out I have found helps him and saves my sanity as well.  Boys just need to be active and are so different from girls.

I used to think I was rewarding bad behavior by letting him go to the park and do fun (and educational) activities.  Now I find that if I try to get him involved in something early in the day he is a much nicer child.  Now I always try to keep him busy and involved in things that pique his interest.  We surround him with books and educational television and computer games rather than a lot of toys and video games, and he is happy with this.  He loves going to the bookstore to pick out a book that I probably would never have chosen for him (like about scary animals), and he enjoys them so much. He is certainly not a perfect child by any means, but this is how I try to deal with his unstoppable energy.

He also loves to help me cook and clean.  So you might try to involve him in what you are doing around the house too.

I am no expert, but I hope this helps you out. Good luck!

 First off I am no expert.  We have a blended family and my sweetie had a 4 year old boy.  He is very different from my 7 year old boy!  Man has it been tough!  It has made me look very deeply into why he was behaving this way.

I  agree with the idea of getting the child out running and using his energy.  We know for a fact that males need more physical exercise to help keep their minds calm, and to deal with  all the energy they can have.

I would first ask you when did this start?  Is it something new?  A specific time that you can point to when he changed?  If so what might have happened to cause that change?

Next is his behavior specific to some people or everybody?  It sounds like he has problem with behavior at school and at home.  Is this correct?  Is that he really only does this when he is at home only with you?  What seems to trigger him?  Is it usually around work and having to do things a specific way?

It is important to say that if his older brotfher has these medical issues.  It is very possible that the youngest could be having the same problems.  My only advice would be to have the youngest doctor check him out.  Make sure that the physical stuff is checked out real good first.  Make sure that he does not have a hormone, blood sugar, or one of the many things that can cause a child that can not communicate to well to act out. 

One thing that was very hard for me was learning to stop and find the little things he did good everyday.  Then I had to stop and really make a big deal out of it and reward him for every little step he made toward the behavior that was helpful to having a good family life.

I hope these questions might be a different way of looking at your problem.  I hope it helps you out.  I really hope that you can hang in there.  It sounds like your life is very full with these issues.  I would like to share with you that after almost 5 years of a very constant, persistent, effort, our youngest is doing better. Hang in their.

Brightest blessings

Earthwalker 

Hi there

He has been checked out by his pedictrician. He is on Concerta 54mg now, they upped the dose a few weeks back. His brother and him are only 1/2 brothers. I think some of it is mimicking what he saw his brother do in the past, which has outgrown some. The oldest is ADHD and ODD. So we have had our hands full.

The little one started all this summer 07 in VPK. It started with not wanting to do things on a schedule, as they do in a daycare/school setting. Not sure why, as he always has attended daycare, since 1.

Kindergarden last year, he would run out of the class and across the school yard, frequently when he didnt like something they were doing or he had to do. Almost, he wants to do what he wants on his time. He got much better towards the end of year. Since, the start of 1st grade, he has ran out of the class twice and he ended that. He had a good day yesterday at school. The teacher says that most problems come in about 11ish and/or writing time. He can do it when he wants but he loses his focus and gets bored - problems start. He will tear things up, scribble on them, etc

He has a speech issue due to lots of ear infections when he was younger. He has had tubes in his ears 2ce and adenotes and tonsils removed. He still gets fluid on occassion and due to all this - it delayed his speech. He attends speech at school 2ce a week. Lately, he has been refusing to go. He does this with us- when it comes to homework, cleaning, etc. He does this at school and daycare. Its not anyone specific. He tries and we do see that but the emotions get the best of him.

He is beyond hyper in the morning, he takes his medication about 640am. So, morning is always a blast trying to get them ready! Ugh!

He is being academically testing at school, to see if we are missing anything. I dont believe he is dyslexic or anything as he can do his work, when he wants, very bright. He lacks in reading but he can do little words. Part of the delay with everything.

Thanks

 I have a six year old that is acting out as well. He has ADD, but is not on medication as in Germany they won't prescribe anything until the age of 7 and I'm a bit afraid to be honest.  He seems to be arguing with everyone around him and is becoming very aggressive. I think he feels like he's less of a "brain" than the other children in his class, although he's very bright as well.  His self-confidence seems to be quite low and he likes to avoid tasks that he's not comfortable with.  If he thinks he can't do it, he avoids it. This, of course, happens on a daily basis with his homework.  It takes him forever.  What seems to help is if I break it down into little segments and ask him to call me when he's finished. In the beginning I tried sitting next to him, but then he took much longer and was a real chatterbox, trying to distract himself to delay doing homework.  We've tried Triple P, which only worked for my daughter who is non-ADD.  I would tell him to sit on the silent chair and he would just ask me "who long this tiime?" and it didn't really seem to bother him. He has a very laid back teacher who has dealt with ADD children before.  She has her advantages and disadvantages. It's wonderful that she accepts him, but she's a bit too laid back as he needs more structure. Apparently she has a very "loud" class, which doesn't help him much. 

I just remembered that I had once started with childzilla and will now try to pick up on that again.

I would consult the pediatrician about whether a different med should be tried.  My daughter has had ADD since 2nd grade (now going into 7th) and we tried 4-5 medicines before we found one that works. Her former pediatrician kept upping dosage (beyond what she should have weight wise) and we finally put our foot down.  we still have some problems with her completing tasks, but that is just her not wanting to do it.  Also finding an activity that they really enjoy and gives them an outlet (for mine it is figure skating) is a great incentive and gives them a sense of accomplishment when they are struggling with something else (in school or home).

 Hope this helps!

 There is a good book that has some real  suggestions and methods to teach the children HOW to behave, concentrate, etc. It is called:

Is Your Child Hyperactive? Inattentive? Impulsive? Distractible?: Helping the ADD/Hyperactive Child